People, and my love/hate relationship for them

I try to be spiritual but it's very hard. I've always read how Jesus was, and when you get to the core of the matter he loved people. You know that kid at school, who is just so annoying. Jesus loved them. Jessica Grace does not.


If you are trying to change how you are on the outside, like I am, you better look in. It's like that whole what you put in, comes out. One way or the other. Anyways, I decided I need to love people. And it's been very hard. All I have learned is that I am very hateful. I really look out for myself only. Just look at what I've written so far almost ten I's. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

Can you love others, and still be self centered? These anarchist kids started talking to me after the decision to honestly love others was made. Let me tell you, I wanted to be a crazy person on them. I was ready to punch them in the face. I got over it. I realized these were people, and people can change. Therefore these angry anarchist kids are just normal growing humans who will one day look back and realize that yelling at innocent truth seekers is not the way.

I use to yell at people a lot. Then I realized yelling does nothing but push people away. Try a little kindness, try love. Everyone says it, posters say it. T-shirts. slogans. songs. It's a lot harder than it sounds.

Right now, I'm working on loving people.

Ballet is for skinny chicks, not me

Yes, I have decided that ballet is for skinny chicks not me. But I want to do it, so i'm still going to do it.

Does that mean working out more? yes.
Does that mean eating less? well I haven't decided yet.

Of course the correct answer would be to eat healthy, and foods that are positive, and not so much carbs. Which in my case is every meal. Perhaps I will stop eating carbs, and eat more things like green apples. or celery. I was told that if you eat things like green apples it will take more energy to eat them than they are worth in calories or what not. So i'll probably eat two a day, that way i'll not only be skinny but invisible as well in two weeks or so.

So ballet really hurts, and is painfull. My legs feel like I weigh 400 pounds, my butt hurts, my thighs hurt, my legs look fat in tights.
BUT I will show up everyday, and work on things, and try to feel more comfortable in my own skin. So I won't give into eating disorders, as much as I dearly want to.
If ballet's going to give me this much hell, i'm giving it hell back.
Although ballet probably doesn't realize this that much.


I need to register for school, I would like to go to san diego. Too bad i'm poor.

i know someone who knows someone

I'd like to say that maybe this chapter marks the start of no more broken hearts, but that shit would be a lie.



I like a boy who likes someone, who most likely is not me.



I'm starting to live, i'm trying to work, i'm starting to learn, and living to fail.
Damn, that was too sad for me, retract that.

It's summer time to party and live some.