Tonight is the second night at OGN. A trip I have taken with my church for roughly the past 8 years. It has been a time that I've learned God will use to sculpt you into a better person if you allow him to.
I wanted to write up a quick blog so my family and friends praying for us here would know what's going on, and how they might hear prayers answered.
We had a fairly tough arrival, what with our trailer getting a flat tire before we even reached the grape vine(were in san diego). Our girls weren't in the same rooms as each other, one was even put down as a boy and I don't think she was too happy about her room assignment at all. On a trip to get dinner we were blessed to know our driver could successfuly coast into a gas station with the engine off and the tank empty. It was a very trying day and took a lot of laughing at things to make it through but we made it.
Today we spent our first day out talking to strangers and a lot of our kids had a great conversations. And the sermon tonight was killer.
Brandon spoke on asking God to shake it up, and being willing to surrender your desires and your wants. It brought forth a lot of girls who asked for prayer and help on the things they wanted to surrender. It was humbling and a really amazing night to see God moving in young people. Even now in our dorm a girl has asked to speak to a leader, and o can hear more praying and talking outside. It makes me excited to see what God is doing in these young people and fills me with joy to know I am in a community truly willing and desiring to earnestly seek his will.
Please continue to pray for us as we learn to create conversations that lead to conversion, and that we be open to the messages from the speakers.
Thanks for reading!
Jessie.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
My selfish heart
The past few nights have been really terrible. I've been exhausted and cranky, and haven't been waking up feeling any better.
The people that have had the privilege to be around me can surely attest that I'm not as positive as I could be. I'm not trying to make this a laundry list of excuses for my grumpiness but I was thinking about it on my drive home from YFC and realize that the problems don't come so much from other people, but from my selfish heart.
My selfish heart is one that starts to show after I have spent some time convincing myself that I deserve the best of everything. The best meals, the best clothing, the best of friendships and peoples time. The best body, the best hair styles, the best books to read. I don't know exactly where the source of this sour spring comes from, but I can never seem to catch it at the start. It's only after its been seeping into my mind for a while that I start to realize that I am starting to think as miserable, unhappy people often do. Feeling bad for myself, apathetic in my actions and stressed out about how much there is to do. These feelings are surely not the most becoming of myself, nor do they seem to present the love and hope of Christ.
It would be nice to say I've learned that its much more worth it to give others the best of everything I have, instead of demanding the best from the world, but my actions are weak in heart and are having trouble shaping up in to that concept.
I don't check my schedule so I'm late to a bible study I prepared poorly for. My trip to my grandmothers is marred by the fact that I can't stay long and can only thing about wanting to shower. I clean up after other people and straighten and vacuum as well as a bitter heart can. The floor and mop feeling my aggression for the summer.
I guess in a way, I'm going through the actions of service. I'm delivering an action, a concept of my thoughts, but my heart is farther away at times than it is close. This isn't to say that everything I do is done out of a place of despair. I've enjoyed spending time with my grandmother, and have truly enjoyed and feel blessed by conversations that we've had. I think I've been blessed by having other girls in my home. It's been such a nice change of pace, and I don't have to eat ice cream alone while I watch TV.
Maybe this can just be a note to myself that if I'm not too careful in my thoughts that my selfish heart will over ride the concept of service. It's a humbling look back to say the least, but I'm sure I'm being whipped into shape for things that are yet to come and when I get there I'm sure I'll be much better prepared.
The people that have had the privilege to be around me can surely attest that I'm not as positive as I could be. I'm not trying to make this a laundry list of excuses for my grumpiness but I was thinking about it on my drive home from YFC and realize that the problems don't come so much from other people, but from my selfish heart.
My selfish heart is one that starts to show after I have spent some time convincing myself that I deserve the best of everything. The best meals, the best clothing, the best of friendships and peoples time. The best body, the best hair styles, the best books to read. I don't know exactly where the source of this sour spring comes from, but I can never seem to catch it at the start. It's only after its been seeping into my mind for a while that I start to realize that I am starting to think as miserable, unhappy people often do. Feeling bad for myself, apathetic in my actions and stressed out about how much there is to do. These feelings are surely not the most becoming of myself, nor do they seem to present the love and hope of Christ.
It would be nice to say I've learned that its much more worth it to give others the best of everything I have, instead of demanding the best from the world, but my actions are weak in heart and are having trouble shaping up in to that concept.
I don't check my schedule so I'm late to a bible study I prepared poorly for. My trip to my grandmothers is marred by the fact that I can't stay long and can only thing about wanting to shower. I clean up after other people and straighten and vacuum as well as a bitter heart can. The floor and mop feeling my aggression for the summer.
I guess in a way, I'm going through the actions of service. I'm delivering an action, a concept of my thoughts, but my heart is farther away at times than it is close. This isn't to say that everything I do is done out of a place of despair. I've enjoyed spending time with my grandmother, and have truly enjoyed and feel blessed by conversations that we've had. I think I've been blessed by having other girls in my home. It's been such a nice change of pace, and I don't have to eat ice cream alone while I watch TV.
Maybe this can just be a note to myself that if I'm not too careful in my thoughts that my selfish heart will over ride the concept of service. It's a humbling look back to say the least, but I'm sure I'm being whipped into shape for things that are yet to come and when I get there I'm sure I'll be much better prepared.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Philippians 2
My brother has pointed out to us that every semester of college has not only ended in finals, but also some event that has shaken my family to the core. This semester it was my grandmothers debilitating stroke, and my grandfather coming into our care. In the past it has been colon cancer, heart attacks, kitchen floods, bathroom floods, and a true cornucopia of other events.
Despite it all though God has continually shown us grace. Now that this semester has come to a close I'm beginning to see that it doesn't take a "super christian" to receive this grace, and it doesn't take a "super christian" to act upon God's will. My family has had to accept and adjust to what God has laid in our path, and then continually accept and re-adjust to the things that he offers up to us. Currently my family has taken on another loved one who could be passed on to someone else, but they have chosen to care for them. I can see no other answer for all of their energy, for all of their compassion, than the fact that they are regular Christians letting a supernatural God work through them. Their willingness to cut away their own desires and to sacrifice who they are is what makes it possible to let God shine through them onto others.
Philippians 2 has a beautiful note about responding to God. Check it out:
Despite it all though God has continually shown us grace. Now that this semester has come to a close I'm beginning to see that it doesn't take a "super christian" to receive this grace, and it doesn't take a "super christian" to act upon God's will. My family has had to accept and adjust to what God has laid in our path, and then continually accept and re-adjust to the things that he offers up to us. Currently my family has taken on another loved one who could be passed on to someone else, but they have chosen to care for them. I can see no other answer for all of their energy, for all of their compassion, than the fact that they are regular Christians letting a supernatural God work through them. Their willingness to cut away their own desires and to sacrifice who they are is what makes it possible to let God shine through them onto others.
Philippians 2 has a beautiful note about responding to God. Check it out:
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life
In responding to life's situations like God would will us to, we open up our hearts to have him work through us. Again in chapter 2 it is written:
Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.What I'm trying to say is that if you accepts Gods will for your life, and respond to situations accordingly He will work in your life and you will prevail despite of the difficulties. You will be a regular person with a supernatural God working through you. You will be blessed by situations that at first appear to be cursed, and given grace though it seems undeserved. Where my families endurance and patience come from, I see no other possibility but God. Where they find joy and peace I can see no other answer than God. In responding to taking on the attitude of a servant and lifting others above our own needs, I have seen my family grow in who God had created us, and it has been a beautiful and exciting adventure.
Every so often I run into some of my mothers friends, or my own, who tell me they ask God frequently "God, won't you leave the Martinez family alone? Haven't they had enough?" I've yet to respond how I feel in my heart, and instead just smile and shrug my shoulders. Maybe the next time I can respond with what I'm learning, or at least ask them "why? so we can be robbed of our blessings?" To have the chance to have God teach me something is what I honestly long for, if I receive nothing but good things will I still long for God's peace like I do now? I do not think I would ask God what he is trying to teach me, if all of my days were spent with no difficulties. I do not think that God gives wisdom without letting you experience a little life. Being hard pressed in life is an opportunity to grow, and learn from God. The sweetest smell from a flower must come after its been crushed, going through trials are difficult and have strained us as a family, but we aren't ready for God to stop teaching us yet.
Every so often I run into some of my mothers friends, or my own, who tell me they ask God frequently "God, won't you leave the Martinez family alone? Haven't they had enough?" I've yet to respond how I feel in my heart, and instead just smile and shrug my shoulders. Maybe the next time I can respond with what I'm learning, or at least ask them "why? so we can be robbed of our blessings?" To have the chance to have God teach me something is what I honestly long for, if I receive nothing but good things will I still long for God's peace like I do now? I do not think I would ask God what he is trying to teach me, if all of my days were spent with no difficulties. I do not think that God gives wisdom without letting you experience a little life. Being hard pressed in life is an opportunity to grow, and learn from God. The sweetest smell from a flower must come after its been crushed, going through trials are difficult and have strained us as a family, but we aren't ready for God to stop teaching us yet.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Blind Spots
I would just like to say that I love watching trendy hipsters. I love everything about them. I gotta glean fashionable ideas somewhere, and weather its a do or a don't i'm learning I gotta love them.
That being said, I went to the hipster mega church explosion that is the Well last night. I had to work Sunday and just wanted to be fed somewhere. I normally don't like going there but last night was an exception. I've gone in the past to see what the big deal is about the new building, and the Pastor acts like a comedian and packs his sermons full of jokes about television that I don't understand, and unlike my own pastor his sermons have nothing to do with the greek translations or what was happening in Ephesus, and you can get the point. It's just a candid over coffee talk about God, which when told in relation to Jersey shore I just don't understand.
Last night was different though, last night a few main points just simply melted my face off.
The concept was simple, bad people corrupt good moral. His delivery was simple, don't hang out with knuckle heads, i.e. bad people.
That's it, that's what I learned. I sat there taking notes in my journal about how foolish I've been in many choices of my life, feeling really discouraged about the knuckleheads I've given so much value to. I felt like the absolute worst Christian in the world and I kept asking myself, who are you fooling, you're such a joke.
Thankfully I heard him through my writing, his next few lines were so, "You want to know if you're okay?"
Yes. Please, I'm freaking out.
"You'll know if you're okay when you're taking notes and realizing you're problems, and then turning to your friends and asking them if they see this problem in you, and whether they do or don't, asking them to pray for you."
He went on to talk about remembering 'old school theology' and responding to God appropriately, and living appropriately. He defined old school theology not as 'a John Piper idea but a Moses idea'. John Piper is an author who writes great pieces on God, and someone who I am currently reading and using to feel okay about my life choices. The fact that I should be looking to the original piece of literature, the Bible, to form my theology is an issue that I didn't' expect to be addressed that night.
After the sermon I promptly called my friends, who said they weren't busy and were looking for something to do because the cafe they were at closes soon. Upon my arrival they told me how they kept talking about what they would do at 8 because thats when the cafe closed and when I arrived, thankfully they were wrong in the cafes closing hour and we were able to sit and talk with each other and I could receive prayer for things that I've come to realize I have issues with.
I confessed to them my feelings toward the hipster mega church as well, and my good friend Carrie pointed out that the sermon wasn't there to condemn me as it was to point out my blind spots. That sometimes you can't see right away where issues of sin are sneaking in, and you need someone to come and show you them, no matter how simple the idea may be, no matter how basic the delivery or the lack of fancy greek definitions. Everyone has blind spots, and thankfully there are people who know exactly how to address them and get our attention at seeing them, no matter their delivery of the gospel.
That being said, I went to the hipster mega church explosion that is the Well last night. I had to work Sunday and just wanted to be fed somewhere. I normally don't like going there but last night was an exception. I've gone in the past to see what the big deal is about the new building, and the Pastor acts like a comedian and packs his sermons full of jokes about television that I don't understand, and unlike my own pastor his sermons have nothing to do with the greek translations or what was happening in Ephesus, and you can get the point. It's just a candid over coffee talk about God, which when told in relation to Jersey shore I just don't understand.
Last night was different though, last night a few main points just simply melted my face off.
The concept was simple, bad people corrupt good moral. His delivery was simple, don't hang out with knuckle heads, i.e. bad people.
That's it, that's what I learned. I sat there taking notes in my journal about how foolish I've been in many choices of my life, feeling really discouraged about the knuckleheads I've given so much value to. I felt like the absolute worst Christian in the world and I kept asking myself, who are you fooling, you're such a joke.
Thankfully I heard him through my writing, his next few lines were so, "You want to know if you're okay?"
Yes. Please, I'm freaking out.
"You'll know if you're okay when you're taking notes and realizing you're problems, and then turning to your friends and asking them if they see this problem in you, and whether they do or don't, asking them to pray for you."
He went on to talk about remembering 'old school theology' and responding to God appropriately, and living appropriately. He defined old school theology not as 'a John Piper idea but a Moses idea'. John Piper is an author who writes great pieces on God, and someone who I am currently reading and using to feel okay about my life choices. The fact that I should be looking to the original piece of literature, the Bible, to form my theology is an issue that I didn't' expect to be addressed that night.
After the sermon I promptly called my friends, who said they weren't busy and were looking for something to do because the cafe they were at closes soon. Upon my arrival they told me how they kept talking about what they would do at 8 because thats when the cafe closed and when I arrived, thankfully they were wrong in the cafes closing hour and we were able to sit and talk with each other and I could receive prayer for things that I've come to realize I have issues with.
I confessed to them my feelings toward the hipster mega church as well, and my good friend Carrie pointed out that the sermon wasn't there to condemn me as it was to point out my blind spots. That sometimes you can't see right away where issues of sin are sneaking in, and you need someone to come and show you them, no matter how simple the idea may be, no matter how basic the delivery or the lack of fancy greek definitions. Everyone has blind spots, and thankfully there are people who know exactly how to address them and get our attention at seeing them, no matter their delivery of the gospel.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Counting your gains against your losses
Tonight at the Rock's college group we had Senior appreciation night, where all of the seniors shared their bits of wisdom and insight that they've gained through their university experience.
I was speaking afterward with some girls, and one of our seniors brought up this concept of counting gains against losses. I've definitley looked at the pros and cons of a situation, but not very often do I look back and count my gains against my loses and base my future decisions accordingly. Of course I've made choices based on things that have happened to me, but to honestly look back and recount every aspect and try to move forward from there is to encompass much more than just a slight glance back. I'm talking about fully looking at every aspect of your life, and seeing where you gained things, and where things just fell apart, regardless of whose fault it was.
To look at every aspect meaning not just my schools scheduling choices, or how many units to carry. Which kinda has to do with how my grades are, which plays into how often do I hang out with people. My social life, who did I gain and who did I lose and how has it effected me. How is my family life, what have I gained and what have I lost. How is my walk with God, and how has it changed and what have I gained, and what have I lost. I got especially sad thinking about the friend part, because its never a good feeling to loose touch with friends. But a positive note was pointed out, that the friends that remained, were friends who continually built her up in Christ, and encouraged her so.
In my own life I can tell who has always been encouraging and who has loved me, and who has built me up and encouraged me. And then I can tell people who like me for other reasons that I feel like are a loss.
I really appreciated her invitation to count gains and losses against each other, and to look back and reflect. My time spent in the College group at the Rock has been full of so much growth! I've been a person who was sad all the time, to a person in a small group that changed my life, to that small group moving leaders and turning into a small church practically, to eventually being a small group leader myself.
The changes that I have made in my own life, and the gains I've taken on have been such a blessing. While at times over whelming, and showing me that there are still many areas of my life to work over I'm realizing that I'm shaping up to be something after all. It's most exciting to see, and it has been so exciting to be used to share what I've learned.
so far:
gains > losses
I was speaking afterward with some girls, and one of our seniors brought up this concept of counting gains against losses. I've definitley looked at the pros and cons of a situation, but not very often do I look back and count my gains against my loses and base my future decisions accordingly. Of course I've made choices based on things that have happened to me, but to honestly look back and recount every aspect and try to move forward from there is to encompass much more than just a slight glance back. I'm talking about fully looking at every aspect of your life, and seeing where you gained things, and where things just fell apart, regardless of whose fault it was.
To look at every aspect meaning not just my schools scheduling choices, or how many units to carry. Which kinda has to do with how my grades are, which plays into how often do I hang out with people. My social life, who did I gain and who did I lose and how has it effected me. How is my family life, what have I gained and what have I lost. How is my walk with God, and how has it changed and what have I gained, and what have I lost. I got especially sad thinking about the friend part, because its never a good feeling to loose touch with friends. But a positive note was pointed out, that the friends that remained, were friends who continually built her up in Christ, and encouraged her so.
In my own life I can tell who has always been encouraging and who has loved me, and who has built me up and encouraged me. And then I can tell people who like me for other reasons that I feel like are a loss.
I really appreciated her invitation to count gains and losses against each other, and to look back and reflect. My time spent in the College group at the Rock has been full of so much growth! I've been a person who was sad all the time, to a person in a small group that changed my life, to that small group moving leaders and turning into a small church practically, to eventually being a small group leader myself.
The changes that I have made in my own life, and the gains I've taken on have been such a blessing. While at times over whelming, and showing me that there are still many areas of my life to work over I'm realizing that I'm shaping up to be something after all. It's most exciting to see, and it has been so exciting to be used to share what I've learned.
so far:
gains > losses
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